Shut down........

Mental shut down that is.......Yesterday was interesting! I get off work around 5 and usually make it home by 5:13 (I drive fast) It takes me at least 20 min after I arrive to become human again. I have a certain list of things I do to help me relax......like load the dishwasher, clean off counters, straighten couch, put toys away......After I have done these things I feel like I have accomplished something and can continue on with my evening in a orderly fashion. Anywhoo last night I was to make Pork chops and veggies. Mmmmmm. I tell Izzy you can go to your friends house till 6 and then you must come home for dinner. this is her "ok mom" so her and her 2 friends head out.....and there goes brother screaming and hollering after..."i want to go too" Sabby, come help Mommy, Mommy needs your help I'm declaring. "No, No, No" with some kicking and screaming. Its hard to explain to a little 4 year old who's sissy is his world that he can play with her and her friends when they are at our house but that he is too little to travel down the street with them....besides getting the whole "Mom, does he have to come" Ahhh... which I remember like yesterday hearing my sister say that about me. Finally by the grace of the All Mighty he snaps out of it and proceeds to watch cartoonies while I finish (I mean start) dinner.

Dinner is done and its time for the kids to sit at the table. Kids: " Mom what are we eating" Me: "Pork Chops and veggies" Kids: "Ewwwwww I don't want veggies" Sabby: "I don't want any!" Me: "You will each get a pork chop and one veggie of your choice and must take one bite and eat the meat" HAHAHAHAH what a joke that was. We sat our entire dinner telling the kids " eat, eat, eat, take one bite" The thing that urks me the most is that they don't understand that I would not be feeding them yucky things for dinner. Hey, If I'm eating it, then its gotta be edible. At this point Ry and I are getting frustrated pleeing for a peaceful dinner where they just do as they are ask and then its all paradise from there....YEAH RIGHT, RIGHT? Oh did I mention that Ry brought home a delicious wine that I wasn't able to enjoy.( : Ry finished up and losses patience and takes off for the hills (bedroom) and I'm left down stairs to man the war. So I began doing the whole I'm gonna count to 5, and then your going to your room...1,2,3 "wait mom I just wanna tell you something".... what? "uhhhhhhhhhhh" start eating, just take one bite and then finish your meat. OK, so 10 more min of doing this I'm DONE. Sabby go upstairs and sit in your room till I'm done cleaning up, Izzy hurry up and finish your Potatoes and then upstairs for your shower. " I don't like the potatoes Mom" GRRRRRRR!!!!! I went upstairs to get Sabby ready for shower as he proceeds to scream and lock his body up as if I were beating him. Ryan helps me get his clothes off and then.... in the tub he goes. He ended up calming down in the tub and Izzy ended up finishing I mean throwing the rest of her dinner away and at this point I was done with it all. I'm getting Sabs jammies on, gettin' Izzy ready for me to wash her hair, and Sab comes up to me....."Mamma, I'm sorry for constructing you" In his terms he meant Mamma, I'm sorry for disrespecting you. Oh Did I mention this whole time I'm having to listen to Sab say " My Dad's better than you" My daddy doesn't make us eat veggies" Now when you re a divorced parent that stuff can really get to you because I always grew up thinking the Dad's are the disciplinarians and the Mom's are the Saviors. What a harsh reality it is to think I'm now both. I'm the bad guy! Its a thought that crosses my mind often...Would they rather be with their Dad than with me?
Then I realize this is my reality. I know my kids are smart and they will play me for a fool at times. All I can do is teach them right and love them entirely. So my days may not always be blissful but who's is with children? My kids are my world. It revolves around them. So I'm a frazzled mom who runs around when I get home, that doesn't always get to finish her dinner, or sit for more than 5 minutes before I'm on to baths, homework, laundry, Guitar hero ( :. But I get to tuck those little attitudes in bed at night and listen to them say their prayers and kiss and hug them and hear " I love you Mamma, good night" and that right there makes EVERYTHING worth it! I shut their door and head off to my room hop in the shower and sit down in bed and pray.....
Lord, If I'm doing something wrong provide me with wisdom, provide me with strength and patience and courage to handle the daily tasks in life that I am faced with. Guide me for I am not always in the right direction and need your assistance. Whisper in my babies ears how much I love them and how much I just want them one day just to take one bite of their veggies because I know they'll like them ( :. and Lord please provide acceptance that I am doing all that I can do and that one day they will understand that. You are the grace that gets me through and I'm so blessed beyond belief. Amen

Its times like this where at the end of my day I'm nothing but a drained body. Too tired to cuddle with my boyfriend who is still upset because he doesn't agree on my discipline tactics. Too tired to pretend that I'm not feeling like poop, too tired to watch the shows on t.v. that I like and eventually that tiredness turns into a blissful night of dreams and rest. All to wake up at 5 to do it ALL over again. I love it and wouldn't trade it for anything. I love my boyfriend and I love my children and I LOVE MY LIFE!!! FYI: as I'm taking them to bed last night I hear Sabby whispering I'm hungry! Grrrr! ( :

Just to clear something up...I'm usually not one to force my kids to eat their dinner, but on days where I actually cook a good meal I expect them to at least try it! They have no problem eating puddin' or crackers and cookies but dinner its torture. I just like them to try things that I really know they are gonna like.

Today's dinner nothing but VEGGIES!!!! HAHAHA jk

HAPPY HUMP DAY! ( ;